fun with Craigslist

I have to wonder whether this is an elaborate joke. I'm almost curious enough to schedule him for an interview. Almost. Either way, it amused me so I'll share it. We posted our standard looking-for-a-housemate ad on Craigslist yesterday, and I have to share the response that we got from one guy (two emails):

Email 1:

Hello!

I read on craigslist that you were looking for someone to fill a room in your house in Mid-December. I'd like to see the room and meet everyone to see if we'd be a good fit. On paper it looks great... I love Columbia Heights and that rent can't be beat!

Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I'm 25. I'm originally from Michigan and I moved to DC after college to start a business. Well, I gotta tell you that I never graduated. I dropped out after my junior year because I wanted to pursue my dream of being a magician. I know that sounds a little bit crazy, but I hope you can respect that everybody's got to be something and when you know what you want to do you have to go for it!

I've been doing pretty well here in DC so if you worry about living with a magician who won't be able to pay the rent, you can put those fears aside. I make $500 an event so I can pay rent after one gig and I usually have five to six gigs a month. The rest of the time I spend perfecting my act. I'm gearing up to present some new techniques at the next Magicians & Illusionists Convention in March.

Actually, living in a group house would be great because I could try out my routines and get feedback. I could also practice on some of you if you'd be game!

My other interests include hunting (a deal-breaker for some people, but I have to put it out there), board games (especially Cranium), dive bars, and my Xbox 360. I have a lot of free time on my hands and I like preparing elaborate meals for people who enjoy them!

I don't smoke but some of my acts include what we call in the industry "mystic smoke"so if you have sensitive fire detectors they might go off, but I can shut them off before I practice. I would promise to turn them on again before I start cooking! =)

Ok, I think I've gone on long enough! I'll spare you some small questions I have for the interview, if you'd like to meet me. I'm curious to meet all of you!

Cordially,

Email 2:

Hello!

I just got back from a group interview with another house and, you know, it didn't go so well! It was actually kind of disastrous! I guess some of the things I've taken for granted living by myself don't go over so well in a group environment! I thought I would run some questions by you so that I don't have to waste your group's time if some of the answers eliminate me as potential housemate. Here are my concerns...

What is your policy on pets? Are you comfortable with snakes if I keep them in a cage and only let them out when I can supervise them? I usually let Bundy and Dahmer out on Thursdays. They're de-fanged and I'm not worried about them hurting people, but I suppose they could surprise guests who don't realize there are roaming snakes!

It's not that important to me but I'll ask anyways. Do you have plastic covers on your sitting furniture? Because then I could let my pigeons have some free range time too! Again, it's not that important to me and my mother says that I spoil my pigeons anyways!

I just realized that your ad on craigslist said that the room was small! What could I expect if the rent was only $509! If I can't fit my coffin in my room, is there a basement I could store it or maybe behind a couch in the common room? I have some concerns about leaving a coffin in the common room--some people might want to play practical jokes on friends and I'm concerned that they might lock themselves inside accidentally!--but you know whether you would be those types of people.

How thin are the walls? I've been developing my other talents as a security blanket in case the demand for magicians in DC goes down (clowns have been taking away some of our business recently) and I need to support myself on other performance art. I can practice juggling outside, but I would prefer to play accordion in my room... with the door closed... I'm still not very good!

Oh! I can bring my snakes on Tuesday too if you'd like to meet them. They are very friendly and they love to be touched!

Oh gosh, I'm practically writing a novel here! Looking back on what I wrote, the most important things are about the snakes and accordion sessions. If you're cool with that, I'd still love to meet you!

Anxiously awaiting your reply!