:: Deep breath ::
Well, here’s the big announcement: I’ve decided to go home.
I thought long and hard about what I had hoped to get out of this experience, and realized that those things aren’t happening, and there’s no easy way that I can make them happen. I’m still not sure exactly why things didn’t work out, but I think that part of it was the stress of negotiating the interface between Olin’s intense, fast pace, and Nicaragua’s slow pace. This is not Olin’s fault or Nicaragua’s fault. It might be my fault—I didn’t realize that I would have trouble integrating these two ways of life. I feel pressure (possibly self-inflicted) to work at an Olin-appropriate pace, and I’m frustrated when I’m not able to do that. Little inconveniences (power outages, the heat, the lack of outlets in my house, the fact that my host family goes to bed at 7 pm, etc.) are disproportionately annoying to me. As a result, I’m not doing a very good job of being an Olin student, OR being present and enjoying my experience in Nicaragua. I am not going to be able to complete the things that I told Olin I would do to earn credit. I’m just not capable of working very efficiently or effectively in this environment. If I’m not going to earn credit for Olin (and it’s me who has decided that I’m not going to earn credit—this has not come down from Olin. I’m not doing Olin-level work), then the question is whether I would rather be in Nicaragua or in the U.S.. And I would rather go home. Maybe it is the easy way out, but I’ll have to deal with my regrets later. I’m tired of living here.
I have a responsibility to Grupo Fenix in that I said I would help them design a database. I intend to fulfill that commitment before leaving (on October 13th). I did not follow “the design process,” but I will be leaving behind a database that I’ve worked hard on and am proud of, along with sufficient documentation.
For the rest of the semester, I will be taking a leave of absence from Olin. I’m not yet sure what I will find to fill my time, but I have some ideas. I still intend to graduate on time, by taking extra classes at Olin in the next three semesters, and over next summer.
Please trust me that I have thought about this a LOT and my decision is final.
Well, here’s the big announcement: I’ve decided to go home.
I thought long and hard about what I had hoped to get out of this experience, and realized that those things aren’t happening, and there’s no easy way that I can make them happen. I’m still not sure exactly why things didn’t work out, but I think that part of it was the stress of negotiating the interface between Olin’s intense, fast pace, and Nicaragua’s slow pace. This is not Olin’s fault or Nicaragua’s fault. It might be my fault—I didn’t realize that I would have trouble integrating these two ways of life. I feel pressure (possibly self-inflicted) to work at an Olin-appropriate pace, and I’m frustrated when I’m not able to do that. Little inconveniences (power outages, the heat, the lack of outlets in my house, the fact that my host family goes to bed at 7 pm, etc.) are disproportionately annoying to me. As a result, I’m not doing a very good job of being an Olin student, OR being present and enjoying my experience in Nicaragua. I am not going to be able to complete the things that I told Olin I would do to earn credit. I’m just not capable of working very efficiently or effectively in this environment. If I’m not going to earn credit for Olin (and it’s me who has decided that I’m not going to earn credit—this has not come down from Olin. I’m not doing Olin-level work), then the question is whether I would rather be in Nicaragua or in the U.S.. And I would rather go home. Maybe it is the easy way out, but I’ll have to deal with my regrets later. I’m tired of living here.
I have a responsibility to Grupo Fenix in that I said I would help them design a database. I intend to fulfill that commitment before leaving (on October 13th). I did not follow “the design process,” but I will be leaving behind a database that I’ve worked hard on and am proud of, along with sufficient documentation.
For the rest of the semester, I will be taking a leave of absence from Olin. I’m not yet sure what I will find to fill my time, but I have some ideas. I still intend to graduate on time, by taking extra classes at Olin in the next three semesters, and over next summer.
Please trust me that I have thought about this a LOT and my decision is final.
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